a letter to a girlfriend

Girlfriend,

You do sound exactly as I have/had been feeling for quite a while now. Feeling left out of life? out of His favor? like a forgotten child.
I know that quoting scripture and verbally reminding you that God is there however silent he might be -- does very little to satisfy your soul.

Could be the meno/peri-menopausal thing, could be female hormonal stuff, could be other physical problems but they affect our spiritual person regardless, don't they?

What has helped me and I don't mean that it's your answer -- and I know that for a long time I had trouble with this -- still do at times -- but, I am learning again to talk to Him during the day while I am doing a chore, pulling weeds, stacking tomato, squash from the garden...

Ooh.. He does know how I have felt and how I am feeling because I tell him -- though he already knows, he's the Dad -- I tell him just like a bratty child or pampered child complains to her mommy and or daddy -- with tears and a little trembling of the lower lip. And I know that he has taken me in his arms and scoops me up and tousles my already mussed hair with his hands like moms and dads do with their little ones. I know that he is smiling and shaking his head but at the same time he sends me the comfort that I need when I sorely need it.

As you say, last night that miracle -- it was for you -- and that is how we receive assurances sometimes -- even though we say, aaaaghh -- whatever.

Little whispers to God, Girlfriend -- he hears them.
Embr

the descent into darkness...

will come at one time or another when experiencing the loss of a loved one. Whether the loss be that of a loss of life through death or the loss of a loved one through illness, injury or otherwise -- putting off entering into this darkness can only make it worse in the long run.

After a good conversation with one of my sisters this past Sunday, we both realized that I had not yet mourned the loss of my husband --the one I knew before the accident that changed his and my life forever. Therefore, there was no way that I could stop mourning if I hadn't yet started the mourning process. So grieve, I must. Darkness, here I am ...

A letter, a thought, a promise

written aug. 20, 2007 12:15pm
Nine years ago today, August 20, 1998, Raul suffered this TBI (traumatic brain injury)in Salmon, Idaho while transporting fire equipment to a Salmon, Idaho firecamp site. Nine Years!
He was driving a beautiful white tractor and hauling an almost 40 foot trailer filled with supplies whose brakes failed and he ended up hitting another government truck -- utility truck-- and rolled his own. The two in the utility truck walked away fine. Raul had to be cut out of the truck losing consciousness once they had him out of the truck and transporting him to the ambulance. When he woke he found that he was in a Hospital.

It was this very hour on that day that I discovered he'd been in this accident one hour earlier.

Today. instead of mourning the loss of that man I married just four years earlier (September 24, 1994), I have decided to Celebrate. I do not yet know what we will be Celebrating -- but, Celebrate we will.

Life is not easy since this TBI came to live with us, but happier I know I can be and that is what I will strive for. I can't bring the original love of my life back home, but I know that I can get my happy back because I am the one who allowed it to separate from me. Not on purpose, and maybe just part of life and the journey but I think it is time to get Ema back -- a better Ema.